From Cesarean to VBAC: My Birth Story
First Birth – Gentle Cesarean
My first birth was planned with so much intention. We initially chose a large university hospital in our area, but within a month or so, my gut told me this wasn’t the place for me to give birth. It felt sterile and impersonal. We explored home birth midwives, but at the time, it wasn’t within our budget. Then, I found a birth center that took my insurance, and I was thrilled.
We signed up for a Bradley Method class, which we absolutely loved. It not only prepared us for labor and birth, but it also brought my husband and I closer. Through the class, we also met our doula.
Although we were well-informed about our rights and birth preferences, she encouraged us to think deeper about key aspects of our plan. She suggested creating two birth plans: one for our ideal birth and one for a Cesarean, just in case.
This opened our eyes to a whole new set of considerations. What could we decline? What could we request? This was new territory. Through evidence-based research, we decided to include the following in our Cesarean birth plan:
- Seeding
- Delayed cord clamping
- Immediate skin-to-skin
- Dropped curtain
- No antibiotics given
- My husband and doula in the OR
- Our doula to take cell phone images
- Save the placenta for encapsulation
Creating this birth plan brought me a sense of calm. While I definitely did not desire a Cesarean, I wanted to feel that, if it became necessary, it would happen on my terms.
At 40+6, labor started. I labored through the night, unable to sleep or eat. We went to the birth center, and all I wanted was to labor in the tub. But after hours, there was no change. When I got out, my baby’s heart rate dropped, showing signs of distress. As I was preparing to transfer to the hospital, my water broke—full of meconium, another sign of distress.
At the hospital, I was overwhelmed by nurses hooking me up to machines and IVs. The contractions made it impossible to focus. I was told I needed an epidural to calm myself and the baby. After 27 hours of labor, I agreed. Once it was in, I felt a wave of calmness. The doctor presented options: try Pitocin for a vaginal birth, which could take another 12 hours, or proceed with a Cesarean. At that point, exhausted, hungry, and desperate to meet my baby, I chose the Cesarean.
When we discussed our birth plan with the doctor, she was willing to meet almost all our requests, except for the dropped curtain. She even thanked us for being informed parents, especially regarding antibiotics. After discussion, we decided to accept antibiotics, but only at the moment of the first incision. Not even knowing what it was, the nurses agreed to let me do seeding. They were just so excited to learn about it.
I remember the love that filled the OR. The doctors and nurses were kind, and my doula was by my side the entire time. When my baby was born, she captured some of the most treasured photos of my life. My baby was placed immediately on my chest and my husband got to cut the cord.
I didn’t realize it at the time, but we had experienced a Family-Centered or Gentle Cesarean.
In the days and months that followed, I became depressed about having had a Cesarean. We didn’t plan for more kids, so I felt I lost my only chance at ever experiencing physiological birth.
I was angry with myself for not trying harder and pushing through. I felt like I had given up when I said yes to the Cesarean. It took almost two years to get past the sadness. I kept having to remind myself that my baby was born into the world with caring hearts and hands.
To be honest, what really helped me get through the sadness were the images our doula took. Those photos became my lifeline to healing. They showed me the love, the gentleness, and the care that surrounded his arrival. They reminded me that my son’s birth story was just as valid, just as meaningful. And because of that, I hold my C-section experience in a positive light.
Second Birth – Powerful VBAC
When we decided to have a second baby, I knew I wanted a homebirth VBAC. I also felt that a detail oriented birth plan was not needed since my midwives were already inline with our values. We also decided not to hire a doula because I felt such reassurance with my midwives and my husband as a birth team. I also knew that if for whatever reason I needed to go to the hospital, my midwives would then take the role of my doula.
In the middle of my pregnancy, I really started to reflect on what led me to my first Cesarean. I started to feel like my first birth team failed me with their lack of knowledge in certain areas which ultimately led to a Cesarean. This made me immediately put up a guard with my midwives as I didn’t want anything interfering with my chances of a VBAC. This actually led to my midwives almost firing me as a client!
The reality is though, that when you’re a VBAC mama, chances are, you have less trust in your care providers. Through deep conversations, we were able to work through my defensiveness and in the end, we had a fantastic relationship. So much so, after my baby was born, they asked me to join their practice as a midwife apprentice. I also realized that I had to take responsibility for the birth team I ultimately chose.
In some states, VBAC mamas hoping to have a home birth are required to have an ultrasound done on their scar. They need to know where the placenta is growing and if it’s growing into the scar tissue. If so, this can lead to placenta accreta. Prior to the ultrasound, we thought we were having a boy. We did the at home sneak peek test around 6 weeks of pregnancy. During my 32 week ultrasound I got interesting news.
First, I had a posterior low lying placenta. It was around 1.9 cm away from my cervix. My midwife wanted it to be at least 2.5cm away for me to have a homebirth. I was a bit devastated by the potential idea of not getting my homebirth. The other news was – it wasn’t a boy, it was a girl! I had contaminated my sneak peek test when I did it at 6 weeks!
Flash forward to my last ultrasound at 36 weeks. We had been hoping and praying that my placenta moved up. I didn’t move at all. Still at 1.9 cm. I was still able to have a TOLAC, but not at home.
Just as I was feeling a bit down, my midwife reminded me of my ultimate goal – a successful VBAC. That’s all that really mattered at this point. It didn’t matter where it would happen.
Around 40+3 my water broke. Within a few hours, nothing had happened and it was becoming apparent that I had PROM. My husband and I did some research and made an educated decision that we were okay going up to 48 hours with it being broken before doing anything. At this time, it was also unclear where exactly I was giving birth. All the local hospitals were on divergence. There were discussions of me giving birth in Vermont, Massachusetts, and at hospitals over an hour away. This period of time was very stressful.
Luckily, just around 24 hours after my water had broken, I went into full blown labor. I remember trying to go to sleep with my husband. I labored quietly in the dark while my husband slept soundly. As the contractions got more intense, I got on the floor. I tried to stay calm in between the waves. Once I started to vomit, I knew things were getting real. Around 1 AM my husband woke up and without telling me, he timed my contractions. To my surprise he said it was time to go.
We called our local hospital just hoping they would have a spot for me and they did! Between contractions and gettin ready, it took us over an hour to get to the hospital that was 5 minutes away!
When I got there I let the nurses do a cervical check. I was 6 cm! I was actually getting my VBAC! I had never gone past 4 cm so this was all new territory for me.
Since I had been awake all night and couldn’t keep food or fluids down, I decided to ask for some temporary pain relief. My husband and I had an agreed upon term I would use when I was beyond serious about something. That word was “hot cheeto.” We picked that word because it’s something we don’t ever eat, so therefore a word that stood out when yelled.
As soon as I got the pain medicine, I slept for a solid hour, just in time for my now doula midwife to arrive and make me do Miles Circuits. This was oh so painful but something that was definitely missing from my first birth. I truly believe my birth outcome would have been different if my first birth team had been more educated on the benefit of movement. Once I did that, I was then able to get into the birthing tub. That’s when transition took over.
As a VBAC mama, there’s a unique kind of determination that drives you. You feel like you missed out on something incredible the first time, so you fight with everything you have to experience it. And when you do, you savor it. I savored every moment—the raw intensity, the surrender to my body taking over, the primal power of pushing my baby into the world. I even did math in my head to stay focused through contractions. As the contractions got stronger and stronger, I remember saying over and over, “is this normal?!” And what I heard back everytime is “this is the way.” It was so reassuring. As my baby started to crown, I was able to reach down and feel her head. I got to be the first to touch her, no one else. Something I was so saddened by with my first birth.
As my body finished pushing her out, my husband and son were there to catch her. I remember this feeling when her body fully left mine. It’s a very strange and empty feeling. It’s almost a sad feeling really.
When we first got pregnant, I wanted a birth photographer so badly. We lined up one, a personal photographer friend. I remember mid pregnancy I started to feel really overwhelmed at the idea of being photographed while giving birth. I had no idea who I would be at that moment or what I would look like. What if I was naked? What if I had pooped myself?! Between my insecurities taking over and all the chaos surrounding where I would give birth, I pulled the plug last minute.
Thankfully, my mother was there and caught the most incredible cell phone images of my baby girl entering the world. Technically, they weren’t perfect, but that didn’t matter. When I look at them, all I see is pure love and raw emotion on our faces. I don’t see the extra 65 pounds I was carrying or the fact I was completely naked. The things I once worried about simply didn’t matter.
That’s when the regret truly hit me.
Birth photography isn’t just about remembering your own journey—it’s about the experience of everyone in the room, the emotions, the love, the sacred energy that welcomes a new soul into the world. Birth is one of the most extraordinary journeys, a time when you feel every human emotion in just a few hours. It’s raw, powerful, and unforgettable.
Birth photography is also there to help you process your birth. With my cesarean, the photos of my son being born are moments I would have never been able to see if it weren’t for them. Photographs are meant to transport you back to a memory and the story that it holds.
Why I Do This Work
Now that I am a mother who has given birth in two very different ways, I know the value of having not only a birth photographer, but an amazing birth team. It’s led me here, to restarting my photography business with a focus on birth as well as becoming a VBAC birth doula.
My goal is to not only beautifully capture your birth, but to also preserve the sacred space of your physiological birth.
